Hello!
Welcome to the May (belated) edition of Here if You Need, a monthly newsletter from Sydney comedian and lapsed netballer Laura Coleman. You might be receiving this because you recently saw me perform at a comedy festival and opted-in to marketing. Thanks for subscribing! If you like, you can undo this choice at via the unsubscribe link.
I WAS WRONG ABOUT VIVID
On Tuesday I got the train to an open mic near Circular Quay (Circle Kay as my housemate from the USA calls it). The gig was at the Argyle, which is the second venue I ever performed comedy at. I bombed so hard on Tuesday that I probably got more laughs during my second-ever set which is a bit disappointing. Then again you can’t deny I had a raw and unbridled enthusiasm for the craft in 2018.
On the way to the pub I walked past the Museum of Contemporary Art and through the Rocks. The buildings were lit up thanks to Vivid, Sydney’s festival of ‘light, music, ideas and food.’ “Did you see those Batman lights!?” screamed a teenage boy. The lights were super pretty and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves despite the pissing rain. It was then that I thought to myself- was I wrong about Vivid?
I’ve been wrong before. About two years ago I made an order of fish and chips for a group of friends, and asked for plain salt instead of chicken salt. “You can’t have chicken salt on a dish with a different protein in it,” I said to my friend Aimee. She looked at me quizzically while bravely chowing on the chips with inferior salt. Of course, there are plenty of examples that prove I had things twisted. No-one would find it odd to eat a beef burger with chicken-salted chips. Was it an issue of protein from the land vs protein from the sea? Did I think the fish would be better paired with natural salt from the ocean, their home? It doesn’t matter why I thought the way I did; I was wrong and I’ve made amends via changed behaviour.
I know why I was wrong about Vivid. Many Sydney-based comedians have material about how Vivid sucks, and I was proud to stand with them. “If everyone is out on dates at Vivid”, I asked, “who is going to the small businesses they usually support? Who is at Taco Tuesday? Who is breaking up at Holey Moley? Who is trying to save their relationship at a paint and sip?”
On reflection, a pretty mean take. I prefer drug-dealer turned comedian Andrew Hamilton’s bit about his personal role in making the festival a success.
I’ve been reading Judy Carter’s The New Standup Comedy Bible on the recommendation of excellent comic Pat Golamco. It’s an introductory book for new comics but has been very helpful in understanding what it is that I’ve actually been doing with varying degrees of success for the last six years. Most illuminating has been Carter’s explanation of what a premise is. A premise, she says, is an attitude towards a topic, held throughout the joke. She uses Robin Williams’ joke about parenting as an example. Parenting is hard because you have to get your act together…
Carter says the easiest attitudes to explore are hard, weird, scary or stupid. You’ll notice that none of these are positive attitudes, because (and I can’t remember if Carter or another comic says this) “no-one wants to go out on a rainy Tuesday and pay twenty five dollars to hear what you think is amazing, special, fantastic or heart-warming.” That’s why everyone’s jokes about Vivid are so mean. It’s just easier to be funnier when vivid is stupid because it’s full of basic people with basic dreams.
Don’t tell anyone that I’m one of them.
GIGS PAST AND FUTURE
Thank-you to everyone who came to see my show Soft Animal in Melbourne, Adelaide and Sydney. With your support we were able to raise $1300.00 from the Sydney shows for Olive Kids, an Australian charity supporting Palestinian children.
I am hosting a show on June 25 at the Lady Hampshire in Chippendale with a great lineup including Lauren Bonner, Cameron Duggan and Elouise Eftos. There are only ten tickets left so move your butt if you want one. Proceeds from the show will go to Para Foundation. If you’d like to donate and can’t make the show you can do so here.
Sydney Fringe Comedy Festival will be upon us in September. I’ll be performing half an hour of new material (aspirational) alongside workhorse and powerful talent Lauren Bonner on September 25, 26 and 27. When tickets go on sale you’ll be the first to know.
I’ll also be supporting Ben Searle (Melbourne/hardcore comedian/friend) in Brisbane, Newcastle and Sydney on July 11, 26 and 27 respectively. Check his instagram for tickets when they go on sale.
I hope this winter you can free yourself from any erroneous assumptions you had about Vivid or other cultural events (though if you find me defending the Easter Show, call in a welfare check).
Xx Laura